ALREADY GONE

One of them said, 'forgive and forget' but why... it's so hard to forget while I could simply forgive. I just can't hide the feeling of being hurt, I just need more time...

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die...

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on,
So I'm already gone


Lyrics By Kelly Clarkson

oTheR pErpeCtiVeS ...

Hutan Banda
Sebuah curahan hati seseorang tentang kehidupan
Kehidupannya, kehidupan terdekatnya, kehidupan sekelilingnya

Hutan Banda
Kumpulan cerita tentang kehidupan
Kehidupan yang mengajari seseorang untuk hidup
Kehidupan yang membuat seseorang mengerti tentang hidup
Kehidupan yang menginspirasi seseorang untuk hidup
Kehidupan yang menyemangati seseorang untuk terus hidup, serta
Kehidupan yang menyiapkan seseorang untuk hidup di kehidupan lain

Dan dalam riuh rendahnya kehidupan seseorang
Hutan Banda memberi warna tersendiri
Demikian pula dengan kutipan "Dalam Terang Cahaya Keheningan" Gede Prama

"... kapan manusia punya kesempatan berjumpa keheningan?

Menjadi satu dengan alam

Alam sebagai guru bertutur terang, semuanya berubah, semuanya membawa kelebihan-kekurangan. Siang berganti malam, malam berganti siang. Bila gunung tinggi, jurangnya dalam. Diperdebatkan atau tidak, tetap seperti ini. Memahami dalam-dalam sifat alami inilah yang membukakan keheningan.

Seorang guru yang punya banyak murid di Barat agak terang dalam hal ini. Tahapan memasuki pintu keheningan sebenarnya sederhana. Pertama-tama, belajar dari alam. Kemudian hidup sesuai prinsip-prinsip alami. Sebagai hasilnya, manusia bisa melihat kebenaran di balik alam. Dan ujung-ujungnya baru bisa menjadi satu dengan alam. Sebelum menyatu dengan alam, manusia akan terus berputar dari satu penderitaan ke penderitaan lain.

Ia yang bersatu dengan alam tahu, ada bimbingan, ada kesempurnaan, ada keindahan di sana. Laut sebagai contoh, ia membawa bimbingan-bimbingan. Sama dengan hidup manusia, ada gelombang tinggi (baca: kaya, dikagumi), ada gelombang rendah (kehidupan orang biasa). Namun tanpa memandang tinggi-rendah, gelombang mana pun ikhlas dan rendah hati pada bibir pantai. Seperti sedang bercerita, ikhlas dan rendah hatilah, ini yang membuat kematian berhenti berwajah menakutkan.

Siapa yang mengisi kesehariannya dengan keikhlasan dan kerendahatian, akan menemukan bahwa alam sebenarnya sebuah perpustakaan agung. Berlimpah pengetahuan dan kebijaksanaan yang disimpan di sana. Perhatikan laut lebih dalam lagi. Di permukaan ia senantiasa bergelombang. Sama dengan hidup manusia. Di kedalaman yang dalam, tidak ada gerakan apa lagi gelombang. Hanya hening yang melukis keindahan dan kesempurnaan.

Cermati apa yang ditulis Zenkei Shibayama dalam A Flower does not talk: “silently a flower blooms, in silence it falls away….pure and fresh are the flowers with dew….calmly l read the True Word of no letters”. Bunga mekar tanpa suara, berguguran juga tanpa suara. Tanpa keluhan tanpa perdebatan. Ada kesucian yang menggetarkan dalam bunga yang berhiaskan embun pagi. Dalam bimbingan hening, tiba-tiba terbaca makna tanpa kata-kata. Zenkei Shibayama menyebutnya Scripture of no letters. Tanpa kata-kata, tanpa keriuhan. Hanya sebuah hati yang berkelimpahan dalam dirinya!

Kembali ke cerita awal tentang peradaban yang riuh, dunia memang sedang dibelit krisis. Namun ketika kata-kata, perseteruan memperpanas suhu panas peradaban yang sudah panas, mungkin ini saatnya membaca Scripture of no letters. Ada yang menyebutnya pengetahuan di dalam yang hanya membuka dirinya di puncak keheningan.

Untuk melangkah ke sana, mulailah hidup sesuai hukum alam. Ia yang mengalir bersama alam, tersenyum pada setiap putaran alam tahu sebenarnya tidak ada hukuman. Apa yang kerap disebut sebagai bencana, sebenarnya hanya undangan laut untuk menyelam semakin dalam. Memasuki wilayah-wilayah tanpa gelombang (baca: tanpa perdebatan) namun penuh keheningan.

Sebagaimana ditulis rapi oleh kehidupan para Mahasidha (manusia yang menjadi agung karena melewati banyak rintangan seperti Jalalludin Rumi, Bunda Theresa, Milarepa, Mahatma Gandhi), awalnya bencana terlihat sebagai cobaan. Namun begitu dialami, ia memperkuat otot-otot kehidupan. Persis seperti otot fisik yang kuat karena banyak dilatih. Bila begini cara memandangnya, bencana bukannya membawa kegelapan kemarahan, ia membawa cahaya penerang.

Berbekalkan ketekunan, bencana membuat batin kebal dengan penderitaan. Kekebalan ini kemudian membuat manusia bisa menyambut semua dualitas (baik-buruk, sukses-gagal, hidup-mati) dengan senyuman yang menawan. Inilah secercah cahaya keheningan. Ia menyisakan hanya satu hal: compassion is the only nourishment. Dualitas memang lenyap, kasih sayang kemudian membuat kehidupan berputar."

Terima Kasih Kepada Artikel-Artikel Yang Memperkaya Hutan Banda
Karena Dengan Demikian Memperkaya Kehidupan Itu Sendiri
Entah Kehidupan Seseorang Atau Kehidupan Sesuatu


Picture by kabarindonesia.com

Lying

Couple hours ago I read this book and there were lines I would like to record. It is something basic. It slaps me on my face.

"17 LIES. The idea for the book happened almost by accident when a person I was consulting with started telling me some 'Truth' about some deep flaw he had a person ; "I'm not very good at... I've never been good at..." I was very tired that day and had no energy left to give to positive reinforcement, so I just said to him, "You're Lying".

Somehow I felt I am the client and telling all those nonsense. To believe what I want to believe, do what I believe I can do and believe that I can do what I've done before.

In the end of the day, I just rowing my repetitive live. I go to work and do exactly what I've done before. My thoughts are thoughts I have thought before. I just live the same day over and over. The same arguments with the spouse. The same frustrated comments in my journal about my day. The same sarcastic remarks about the boss. Over and over, world withoud end, round and round into the ground.

I need to stop this lying of mine, I want to break out this spinning wheel of groundhog life. Snaps me out of the bad dream, breaks the hypnosis of the lines and say aloud ;

I CAN DO SOMETHING NEW AND SCARY

But later I realized...
I am doing that
I've done that
The New And Scary

I found myself in the lonesome by leaving my family miles away from here. Sacrifying my previous job and family for something new and scary.

Yes, it was exciting at the beginning. At least I could proof to myself while the world as the witness, that I am able to overcome the obstacles while I'm gaining my international exposure. Somehow I am more stronger than I thought.

But... then I feel only restless that left behind with the thought that I might loss something just because do something new and scary. I'm questioning myself whether I am doing the right thing when the curtain almost down, when the play is going to finish.

Will I lie to myself if I said I enjoy my last 12months here ?
Will I lie to myself if I told that I earn more experiences ?
Will I lie to myself if everything is gonna be alright ?
Whatever the answer of my questions, I am just so afraid to reveal the real feeling of mine.

So... I just look back on my life and see what I have been through and what I have accomplished...


book by Steve Chandler (The Story Of You)
picture by pyxle.com

The Truth Is ...

The other lines of the book that I read stated :

"Finally he said, 'You're right. I'm not telling the truth'."

The statement of the author's client made him looked deeply into his own life and found quite a few lying. Inspired him to write 17 LIES book. The author himself is trying to see lie in different angle and make it as a motivation to do something better. How ?

He gave other sample when someone said that he's powerless. The author consider that's lie and how this lie could motivate someone to be powerful. Then I thought, how about other lies ? The lies that commonly appear in the relationship. The lies that other people and me realize how easy to do it.

But.. I'm not interesting with the lies. I just believe somehow all of us would lie, depends on the circumstances. I am more interesting to know the reasons why someone should tell lie or why I am lying. Why can't I just simply said, 'I'm not telling the truth', just like the statement above.

So... what's the truth ?
Do we always need to know the truth ?

We teach our children that honesty is the best policy. We attempt to potray ourselves as honest human beings. We claim that we always, always want to know the truth. But... is that really true or are we just lying to ourselves ?

Other article that I read stated ;

"The truth is, we lie. We lie for the sake of convenience. We lie so that people will like its better. We lie to avoid hurting people. We lie because we're secretly ashamed for feeling a certain way".

We lie to the most are the ones closest to us. Realizing that the consequences of what we say will be borne by those we share it with, filtering the truth has become a necessary survival tool."

... and I just stand still and try to examine the whole lines. At the same time, I just take a deep breath in remembering how I demand the truth in my relationship. I need more time then to capture the whole picture of what's going on, about this truth ...

article by HER WORLD MAGAZINE (The Truth Is ...) Nov 2008
picture by khwaja.wordpress.com
book by Steve Chandler (The Story Of You)

True Lies

In one episode of Grey's Anatomy, a man suffering from a brain tumor was admitted into the hospital for surgery. One of the effects of the tumor was his inability to filter his thoughts and his words. He says what he thinks and only apologizes if someone tells him that he is being rude.

Is telling the truth all the time akin to being rude ? Imagine if that was you. Not only would you not have any secrets left, you probably wouldn't have any friends either.

I might agree with the case above because it's quite rude if someone telling me the truth which is telling something I want to deny, to refuse... (although at the same time I demand for the truth itself, phuuuih... confusing !)
There are circumstances that I want other people lie to me as I lie to them as feeling consideration, although sometimes lie or telling the truth could ruin the relationship or else just like the article said,

"In all fairness, no one has any right to suggest such a thing (lie or tell the truth) unless they have the whole story. And yet, more often than not, we let the people closest to us get away with it. Which explains why another study which found that partners who idealized each other are more likely to be satisfied with their relationship and stay together. They hide the painful truth.

In such cases, we're lying to ourselves. We have been conditioned to believe that the feelings of those around us are more important than our feeling. Tell other the truth but in no circumstances should you reveal feelings that will hurt others, we've been told. Don't show your anger, don't cry. So we live in a state of denial, telling ourselves we're happy when we're not. Smiling when what we really want to do is curl up under the covers and cry out our eyes out.

Perhaps it's time to rethink the stance truth has held in the course of history. It's time to be honest with yourself. That's far more important to your wellbeing than always telling others the truth. Some might call it being selfish but if you're not looking out for yourself, who is ? Besides, are you sure everyone wants to know the truth all the time ?

Confession, some say, is good for the soul. But is it really ? Letting go of the things that plague you might make you feel lighter but the person on the receiving end might not. Would we really want to know the truth all the time ? Do we really want to know what others are thinking ?

Sometimes, it's better to live in ignorance than to be stabbed by the truth, as long as we're always honest with ourselves"

Well... I got the picture now. It's not about the truth or the lie, it's about being honest to yourself. In the end I just thought, why I should stay in the relationship when it makes me more hurt and uncomfortable with my own life.


article by HER WORLD MAGAZINE Nov 2008 (The Truth Is...)
picture by blog.flickr.net

BluE eYeS bLue

I thought that youd be loving me.
I thought you were the one whod stay forever.
But now forevers come and gone
And Im still here alone.

cause you were only playing,
You were only playing with my heart.
I was never waiting,
I was never waiting for the tears to start.

It was you who put the clouds around me.
It was you who made the tears fall down.
It was you who broke my heart in pieces.
It was you, it was you who made my blue eyes blue.
Oh, I never should have trusted you.

I thought that Id be all you need.
In your eyes I thought I saw my heaven.
And now my heavens gone away
And Im out in the cold.

cause you had me believing,
You had me believing in a lie.
Guess I couldnt see it,
I guess I couldnt see it till I saw goodbye.

cause you were only playing,
You were only playing with my heart.
I was never waiting,
I was never waiting for the tears to start.

It was you who put the clouds around me.
It was you.

Oh, I never should have trusted you.
Oh, I never should have trusted you.
Oh, I never should have trusted you.

By diane warren
picture by timswineblog.com

Rise & Fall

A word rise is defined (one of it) as an increasement of something. In my hutan itself, a word rise refers to the appearance of the sun (moon and the stars).

That large bright thing in the sky will first appears in the morning and wakes everyone with its light and warmness. There's even a creature that makes a loud high sound to signal that the day is started for everyone and everything in my hutan.

You could see some of them are excited to begin the day and although I might find some of them are joyless, deep down in their heart and mind, there is hope of miracle might visit them (at least once).....

Here... in the place that I'm staying at the moment, I often see a kuih muih or a nasi lemak seller around bandar. The things that they sell often seduce my hungry tummy with its smell and taste... persuade me to buy it. No matter the weather that day, no matter the profit they make, the seller will do exactly the same thing every morning and always hope that today will be better than yesterday.

... Hope, makes some people linger more than they thought to something they do or belief.

Some people are even being motivated to achieve the things in their live just because of hope. Even during fall

... It's not only an amount of snow that has fallen onto ground but it refers too to a situation in which a person's life is failure or else in the bottom line. In that kind of situation sometimes people don' t even have any ideas how to stand up again, how to rise.

Everything is O.K !
Everything is gonna be alright !

Those sentences is other kinds of hope form. Those sentences are always being heard when THE FALL steps into someone's life, when someone's almost give in everything, when someone's just so lonesome. In certain circumstances although we have no clues how everything is gonna be alright, we just need to keep on moving... of course with the hope in our heart !

So, let's celebrate our lives !!


Text by : MegaRiyadi
Picture by : redbubble.com and p0rg.deviantard.com